25 February 2011

The catch up

I have been a slacker lately, but in all fairness, things have been busy :)

Dear friends of ours are moving away :-(  We will miss them bunches, but we a little bit to remember them by.  Well, four things really...chickens :-)  We are now the owners of four girls, Daisy, Rosie, Eve, and Bailey.  Currently they are going around the backyard eating weeds, grass, bugs and pecking at a cantaloupe.  They all seem to be laying and the eggs are quite tasty. 

I finished my online class for my IBCLC exam in July and submitted my registration.  Excited, nervous, a bit stressed, but I am sure it will all work out.  I have so much studying to do for this, but am looking forward to getting my certification so that I can help mothers and babies more in depth.

In entertainment news, I went shooting with my Dad a week ago (second time).  It is good to learn from a man who is a stickler for proper gun safety.  He has a .45 that we used that was brought back from WWII as well as an updated .45.  Defiantly a difference in the two, but fun overall.  When all is said and done, I am not a bad shot at all.

I also learned the past week that my friend Amey's jello shots have amnesiatic qualities to them.  I won't get into that in detail because lord knows who actually reads this, but whoa.

17 February 2011

Field Day

My oldest had Field Day today at her school.  Long jump, running, softball throw and high jump.

She is not an athletic kid by nature, but she was eager to try.

I have never seen such concentration and determination on her face.  She did great at long jump, ran her heart out on the 75, 200, and 600 meter.  Did her best on the high jump.

She played with her friends, laughed, and shared a picnic lunch with me under a tree.

By the afternoon though, her spirits has dropped.

She had done her practice run and then taken her two tries at the high jump.  If you hit the bar, you are out.

She hit the bar.

As she walked over to where they were supposed to sit and wait, I saw a familiar stoop in her posture, the downcast eyes and a mouth that was trying to remain neutral, but you could see the disappointment.  I called her over and quietly asked if she wanted to talk.  It took all she had to not burst into tears.  Stated how she felt like she could not do anything right, how she comes in almost last on all the events, that she tried and tried and it just did not work.  As a parent, it breaks your heart.  She did try, she concentrated, but the events were just not things that she does well at.

We talked about how it is ok to be upset, but that she is also amazing at so many other things.  Then one friend came over to check on her, then another and another.  They all helped her feel better, no guilt, teasing or judgment.  It was a great thing to see.

She ended the day on a good note and I hope that she will remember the things that she had fun doing today and not get hung up on the disappointed feelings.

14 February 2011


I am behind on this 365 project, but that is ok.  Today's will be short as it is 9:25pm, the kids are asleep and wine is being consumed.

There is a certain stigmas to the commercialized, Hallmarked, traditional Valentine's Day, but I choose to look at it with a view of appreciation for what I have.

I am blessed with love.  I have a husband who has been with me for over half of my life.  He has seen my at my worst, my best, my most humiliated and my most scared and stood by me.  He allows me to be myself above all.  He helped make our beautiful, amazing children.  He believes in me.  He lets me gets chickens (even if he is not too sure about it).  He loves me fiercely and unconditionally.  He is an amazing Dad. 

My friends are like my sisters.  I am so happy to have them in my life.  I know that they are true friends and will always be there, not matter what the distance.

I am thankful for this life, this human existence.  I am thankful for my experiences, the good and the bad.  I am thankful for lust, for love, for romance, for passion, for being able to feel.

Happy Valentine's Day.  Love who you love without fear.

08 February 2011


My day has been long.  Running people to carpools, school, home, park and home again.  Girl Scouts, dinner, pick up from Girl Scouts.  Things seem to be fine though.  Not too tired, youngest child getting in some Daddy time,  oldest and I having a good time. 

Stop at the store for a cup of coffee to get me through studying tonight.  Indulge the request for a small bag of cookies for snack tomorrow after school.  Smiles, laughing, everything still ok.

Home for good tonight.  Walking into the house, child suddenly sullen.  Asks when I can attach the rest of her patches onto her vest.  Patches?  What patches?  Apparently she has given be two bags of patches that need to be ironed on.  I gently tell her that I don't really know where they are, but we can look for them.  However, it is currently 9pm and there is nothing I can do about this right now. 

Commence all hell breaking loose.  She gave them to me!  I lost them!  Why can't I look now!?

I stay calm, I let her know that I can look for them, but this is not the time to get all upset about it.  That we can look this week and if I still can't find them, I can order more.  Not a huge issue.

Apparently I am wrong.  This is a major issue.  My words are not being heard.

Screaming, yelling, crying...wash, rinse, repeat.

Dad is now involved.  The tantrum increases.  I am getting pissed.  Why is this happening now?  Why do we have to end another day in tears? 

I am an emotional person.  It took me years to manage my emotions and handle them in a reasonable way.  It is hard to see the same struggle in your own child.  I try to use the tools that I have and know to help her, but sometimes it just does not seem to work.  I feel for her, I really do, but the adult frustration is there as well.  I am thankful that her Dad is here to help balance it and to talk to her when I no longer can.  It is hard to not let what is said not hurt.  I wish I had a magic wand and could fix the issue right now, but I don't.  I can only offer what I can do this week.  I can look, and if I find I will attach the patches.  If not, I can be in contact with her leader very easily and find out which ones I need to get. 

From my viewpoint, this is not the end of the world, but I understand why from hers it can feel like it.

I still wish I had a wand.

07 February 2011

I'm waiting for the night to fall...

Depeche Mode song...sums up my feelings right now.

The day is coming to its end.  Unexpected errands had to be run after picking up the kids, so we have only been home a bit.  Dinner has been simmering, so at least that is almost done.  The kids are off schedule, the dogs ate the spines of some of my cookbooks, the bickering is reaching epic proportions, but I am remaining calm.  Music and a beer are certainly helping.

 "Been waiting for the night to fall
I knew that it would save us all
Now everything's dark
Keeps us from the stark reality

Been waiting for the night to fall
Now everything is bearable
And here in the still
All that you feel is tranquility"

Breath in, breath out, and be.

06 February 2011

Mom has a cold.  Everyone in the house has had this cold.  It is mild for the most part with two days of feeling kind of blah.  It hangs on forever though, putting an unpleasant damper on everyday life.

As a stay at home mom (ha!, do we really stay home that much?) it is hard to drop the roles and give into the urge to crawl into a comfy bed with a good book, tea, and the computer.  We we push through, with the thought that once the kids are in bed, the house picked up and everything as done as it is going to be, we can relax.  This happens, but with the down side being that I have fallen asleep around 9:30 for the past week, and dear readers, that shit is getting old.

Not that I don't mind the sleep.  It helps heal the body, and makes the next day easier to deal with, but I miss the time with my husband.

See, I have been with a great man for 16 1/2 years, married to him for 11 this June.  I am one of those people that think that there are people in your life that you meet for a reason...that they are to be part of your life as the help complete and evolve you.  He is one of those people.  He is my biggest champion, my support, my love.  We have things in common, we have interests that the other cares nothing about (and that is ok!), we have personalities that compliment each other and truly have great respect for each other.

Obviously, we are parents, and anyone who is and who is involved heavily in their childrens lives know that time alone is a rarity and a necessity.  We have a sort of tag team approach to the kids when we are both home, and no one rests until they are in bed.  Then its decompression time for the adults and try to find time together, be it watching a movie, talking or other fun indoor sports ;-)  Well, when one, or both, or the parents are sick, that time all but disappears.  I understand why, but one can easily find themselves days later realizing that there has been little to no physical interaction and there is a feeling of what I like to call roommate syndrome.  You live together, you help each other out, but the touching is seriously lacking. 

I think that this is something that can creep up on any couples lives, even outside of illness.  Logically, we both know that the love is there, the want is there, but the timing is all messed up.  So we take what we can...a passing look in the kitchen, a touch on a shoulder as we walk past, a brief meet in the living room for a hug.  Touching your partner, lover, friend makes all the difference.

So reach out, snuggle up to the one you love, and be.

04 February 2011

Been a while

I am going to try a 365 project with this blog.  I want to post everyday, be it long or short.

Not that I think anyone would be interested in this, but it provides an outlet for thought...that is why so many do it, right?

I am a 33 year old woman, wife and mother to two kids.  I guess I will start this blog off with a list I did on facebook a while ago.

1.  I can not stand whistling in a room.  Especially my house.

2.  When I was a kid, I wanted to be a computer hacker.

3.  I can identify primate orders by their molar patterns.

4.  I am more fragile than I let on.

5.  I am stronger than I let on.

6. I am an enigma wrapped in a mystery

7.  I would redo junior high and high school for better grades.

8.  I want to learn Romanian, Japanese, Spanish, French and Vietnamese

9.  I thrive on life experiences, good and bad

10.  I want to learn trapeze...and I have a fear of heights lol

11.  I firmly believe my children have saved my life.

12.  I once had a beautiful revelation at a hot springs in New Mexico

13.  I read The Red Tent about four times a year.

14.  I love MMA/UFC

15.  I have a thing for artists

16.  I have been pierced 48 times, but only 9 are able to have jewelry in them.

17.  My paternal grandmother has appeared to me in the first trimester of my both my pregnancies.  She died my senior year of high school.

18.  I have wanderlust.

19.  I kissed a girl and liked it lol

20.  I have been with my husband for half my life as of 10/08/2010

21.  I can butcher a chicken

22.  I was painfully shy in elementary and junior high

23.  I punched a guy in the face at a Concrete Blond show when I was 16.

24.  I have walked a tightrope drunk, in platform mary janes.

25.  I was pregnant and/or nursing from August of 2000 through October 2006.

So there is a bit about me.  If there is anyone reading this and you have questions, ask away :)